Missing, a family pulling together.

On Sunday 5th of January our lives changed. It was the last time we saw Ash. Since then our lives have gone through all the emotions it is possible to ever feel. Our home has been turned upside down and pulled out to look for any sign of where he is. After hours being spent pacing the floors, looking out the windows, running to the phone just in case its him on his way back.

Take a step back, breathe, look around. the home is left as it was after being  searched, the house feel like its lacking substance; a shell without a heart. I need to be strong, stay focused, there are two very beautiful children whom are totally dependent on me, I cant crumble, they need reassurance and as much 'normality' in their lives as possible. Normality. Its a word im hearing so regularly im almost chocking on it. How can we be carrying on as 'Normal' there is no Normal to this situation. I turn on the radio and its on the news. How can not one person not have seen him? How do I tell our Son that we don't know where Daddy is? My boy, my sweet boy, fast asleep as i type these words, rosy cheeked all flushed with sleep. What are you dreaming my love? How can i make each day as pain free and 'normal' for you? My daughter, sleeping at your Nans, so i can attend meetings in the morning before i come to pick you up at lunch time. How do i tell you where 'Da Da Da' is when we dont know.

The answer is simply this; there is not right or wrong way to take each day, take each day as it comes..


Hope somebody sees Ashley and forwards any information they have on to us

Embrace and cherish every moment we spend with our family and friends during this difficult time, they are the foundation of the very path we are walking or trying to find Ashley.

Records these memories each step of the way, the ups and the downs.

Take a moment to remember, childhood goes on. Nourish our children's imagination and creativity.

Last week at school

This week saw Jacobs first school nativity, he told us for weeks he was a polar bear; not the case, he was a wiseman

Autumn has been fascinated with the christmas tree

I went with /jacobs class on the school trip to Cardiff castle to visit Santas grotto; it was magical. The castle was decorated beautifully in green, red and gold with lots of fairy lights.

We are all looking forward to catching up in with family and friends over the Christmas holidays, and for now, we have a blanket den in the living room and a pile of christmas films to get through :-)

Simplicity

This last month has been incredibly chaotic with appointments, extra work, getting ready for Christmas amongst everyday living. I found myself feeling suffocated and by the end of the night when the kids were all tucked up in bed, I would wish there were a few extra hours in the day for me to squeeze extra bits and pieces in.

I feel disheartened when the day is over and there is nothing productive to show for it, but you know what? It doesn't matter! As long as my family are happy and healthy and the day has had laughter, thats all that counts!

It's really made me re-evaluate life, and since returning back to work I lived simply, and basked in the beauty of nature and the here and now. So for the past week my life has slowed down, I've taken to doing yoga in the mornings whilst Autumn sleeps and Jacob is at school, our daily walks have become much more fun, we've had leaf fights in the gorgeous autumnal colour leaves, jumped in puddles and flaked out on the sofa with steaming mugs of tea. Story time has become a candlelit affair with great big blankets, and our home is filled with the smell of home cooking. Life is good!

I'm enjoying this new journey of re-connecting with myself, my home and my family. In savoring the  here and now, and not putting pressure on myself to do a million things in one day.

Magic Hour

Saturday's in our house are ususally chaotic, we catch up on the washing, complete homework with Jacob, do the food shopping, have a huge clear up whilst the kids pull it all out again behind us and then end up on the sofa at the end of the evening with more mess than was there earlier that day.

Ash went out last night with the boys, but stopped to do the food shop on the way home from work which was brilliant and meant it was quicker than us all going and having to stop for nappy changes and to look at books and magazines.

This morning I woke up, threw a load of washing in the machine then prepared breakfast and sat around the table with the children. When that was over they went to have a play in the living room leaving me to clean the dishes and wipe down counter tops and hoover the dining room. I ironed the bedding and changed our bed then headed back down to put the washing out on the line - so windy, perfect for quick drying and the hastily put another load in.

The bathroom had a quick wipe around and floors mopped and by 9am the housework was done, all in an hour with no stress. Leaving the next 3 hours for playtime before I head to work.

Im hoping by keeping on top of my little daily routines I have going, that by the end of the month the whole of the home will have been deep cleaned, de-cluttered and organized. It really is amazing how a quick hour burst can totally transform a home :-) and leave plenty of time to hang out with these guys.

Balance

Since starting back at work following maternity leave, I find my list of to do things getting longer, both household jobs and things that I would like to do myself. This week is all about getting the balance back into our lives.

Jacob is now in full time school and Autumn takes regular naps throughout the day, which has left a nice few hours window during the day where I can really get stuck into what I want to achieve.

One of main things is to continue with cooking wholeome foods that can be enjoyed by the family and at the same time can be easily frozen ready for a busy day later in the month.

The Autumn and Winter turns me into a homebody, I love to come home to a clean house after a nice cold walk along the river and be able to be greeted with something yummy from the slowcooker, a great big blanket and a good book or film.

I have a cauliflower and lentil curry on the stove, and im going to go and read Autumn's new book to her before her nap, and then I will have a little read and cuppa myself before heading of to pick Jacob up from school.

Breakfast in a teacup

Autumn is here and we are loving the darker mornings; Candles, fairy lights and a warming breakfast are always welcome.

This weekend we cooked up some porridge oats with dried fruits, raisins and honey and then topped them with Natural yoghurt and banana. I think this will become a regular breakfast for the colder mornings as they are so quick to do and really warming.We served them in teacups, and had a nice mug of earl grey.

I love this transition period in the the Autumn/Winter months, stews and soups become a staple and I love seeing wellies, raincoats, hats & scarves in the hallway. The walk to school is a beautiful canvas of Green, golds and red leaves and pine cones, twigs, conkers and acorns always find their way into our home, thank you Jacob.

xxxx